Friends, watchers, and passersby:

Not a day goes by where I don't question my own sanity. There is so much grief in the world and I am doing everything I can to purge my own, but of course that is no easy feat. A long time ago, for whatever reason, I decided I was worthless, and I struggle with that thought everyday. I have done some horrible things, accepted some horrible things, and have consistently pushed away some amazing people because I don't feel like I am worth anyone's time. I have clinical depression, social and general anxiety. I have a very difficult time giving myself any credit for the things I can do - just the things I can't. I constantly hold myself to the standards of say, a person without depression and anxiety, expecting myself to be able to perform a task or something as expertly as they can. When I can't meet those standards I just accept that I am ignorant and pathetic and give up. I don't hold other people with depression and anxiety to those standards, though. Just myself. It's like in my mind my issues aren't as real as everyone else's. I have tried my entire life to hide my problems from everyone, including my closest friends and family, (perhaps even myself), which ultimately put me in a very, very lonely place. As a result my social skills aren't the best, and I find that I don't have much to say to anyone. Even if I really want to.

I am writing this journal because I am going to change all of this. I want to be able to help myself so that I might someday be able to help other people, but recovery is not something I can do on my own. I need the patience and understanding of everyone around me. Similarly, if any of you need a non-judgmental ear at any time, I am here for you. I can't promise that I'll be able to give any great advice, but nonetheless I will listen to anything you need to say. This goes for anyone. No one deserves to be in that dark, lonely place that I know so well. So, I am extending my hand in friendship to anyone who wants or needs it. I have a difficult time maintaining friendships, but I am going to try my best to turn things around.

Thank you, everyone, for all the wonderful compliments and favorites on my photography. It is one thing I immensely enjoy doing and sharing. Despite my intense depression, I see a lot of beauty in the world and I want other people to see it, too, so I'll never stop taking pictures.